Occasionally my writing will move away from the world of makeup to look at the world of beauty as a whole. My work as a makeup artist has given me much insight into how women perceive themselves...their imperfections...their image to the world. Beauty is much bigger than choosing the right shade of lipstick or blush....its about the whole person.
The perception of beauty in North America has rarely strayed from its long standing definitions. We are bombarded every day through magazines, the internet, advertisements, television, movies....it would be hard to avoid the "perfect" looks of celebrities and models, on a regular basis. The unfortunate thing is that these visuals help form our views of ourselves from a young age. Often those opinions can grow to be very negative and self defeating, regardless of how we might actually look. Sometimes those thoughts move beyond our brains and we become physically abusive to ourselves...most often in the form of an eating disorder. It is an extreme way to control what we think will make us better...a better person? a better employee? a better wife, mother, girlfriend? Everyone has their own reasons for a negative self image. We have all had those moments right? Actually...according to a recent poll, about 97% of women have had those moments.
Glamour Magazine released a poll last week that revealed that 97% of the over three hundred respondants to their most recent poll had at least one negative thought about their body over the course of one day. On average the same respondants had thirteen negative thoughts per day! That is almost one negative thought per waking hour each day. I felt sadness when i read this. I have my own reasons for that. I've been there. This September will be fourteen years since i sought treatment for my eating disorder. I suffered from anorexia and bulimia for over ten years. I know what it is like to feel so dissatisfied with yourself....so unhappy when you look in the mirror that you are willing to do anything to change what you see. And now, at forty-one, I look back and realize how negative my view of myself was, for may reasons. I wanted to be popular...have a boyfriend...i wanted to look like Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High....or any of the popular girls in a John Hughes movie. It was high school and i just wanted to fit in, and, for the most part, i did. But i never seemed to outgrow my perception that i wasn't quite good enough. These thoughts followed me to university and beyond. As an adult, the disease changed for me and became almost more about the control i had over events in my life...and when things weren't going my way, i decided if i could control myself (eating, weight etc) than things would get better. If i looked perfect...then my life would become perfect too.
Well...that hasn't happened. No matter what my weight, and shape have been...i have faced challenges in my life, like we all do. How i perceive myself changes daily. We all have good days and bad days. What this poll showed was that women are more likely to feel negatively about themselves when experiencing dissatisfaction with other areas in their life - work, relationships etc. If we can control how people see us....then it will mask the other challenges we have in our life and give us control. But if things don't get better we become more negative towards ourselves...and the occasional negative thought becomes habit. And habit becomes our downfall. So you have to learn to change your way of thinking. It is not an easy task. I chose a group therapy program and followed up with regular visits to an amazing drop in center called Sheena's Place. I had to change the way i thought...about my myself and the events that happened in my life. That is the most important step. And the only way to train your brain to think differently. I'm not saying it is easy because i still have my moments. To be honest....probably daily. But i have learned to stop and remind myself that having a more toned body...or having bigger breasts...or being prettier isn't what will get me that job, that guy, or whatever else i desire in my life. Making a list of what you do like about yourself is another option. It might be hard at first, but once you get started some ideas will come to you, especially if you think outside the box. Look beyond the physical, to your personality and your mind. You may need help with all of this and there are a lot of resources out there to support and guide you...therapists, support groups, and friends to name a few. Not all women will develop an eating disorder because of a poor self-image and low self esteem....but at any level it is damaging, and needs to be acknowledged as an important issue for all women.
I encourage you to read the article from Glamour. I believe most women will be able to relate to the information, and stories it tells. Share the article with your friends and start some honest discussions. The more we openly talk about these issues, the quicker we can start to change the ways that people think about, and view, themselves.
When you finish reading this...i want you to close your eyes...take a deep cleansing breath...and think of one thing that you like about yourself. Go to sleep with that thought on your mind, and try to remember it when you first wake up in the morning. You just might wake up looking at your day (and yourself) a little differently.
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